A Mother's Love: Part 1

     The past twelve days have been the most difficult for me since the year immediately following the death of my mother, and our first major challenge since moving to Delaware from New York almost two years ago. I went through what seemed like a never-ending cycle of sadness, anger, guilt, and despair. I cried every day for the first week, and my anxiety became nearly debilitating. 

            I returned to work when Kayelle was nine months old and she began attending my friend's family day care. Although she wasn't talking, every day I picked her up I would ask her how was her day and I talked to her as if she was responding. I feel it's important to ask your children how their day went and attentively wait for their response. Contrary to popular belief, children have feelings too. They have good days and bad days, and just like adults they want to share and get things off their chest. 

          A month after our interstate move I found a human resource position for a health care facility; about a forty-five minute drive from home. Keith kept Kayelle entertained during the day while he tended our publishing company and his studies for his Master's degree in Human Services Counseling. We didn't see any immediate need to put Kayelle in day care, but two months in and she was soon filled with boredom and began to ask when was she going back to school.

     Riding in the car one day, as Keith was driving me to work, Kayelle said, "Daddy, you need to go to work." Keith responded, "If I go to work, who is going to watch you?" She answered, "I'm going to school." Kayelle thought she couldn't go back to school because Daddy didn't go to work.   

     I began searching for child care in the area. Although Kayelle had spent almost two years in a wonderful home day care of a former colleague and friend, I wanted her to attend a child care center for my peace of mind in this new state where we knew no one. After reading reviews and finding it was a five star facility with the state of Delaware, we made an appointment to visit Corporate Kids Learning Center. 

     The director gave us a tour of the facility: classrooms, cafeteria, and playground. She explained their process to assist in potty training, preparing for preschool, and their Spanish language immersion program which in two years never progressed past counting to ten. We shared with her that Keith was a former educator for twenty years and many of our questions extended past fees and hours of operation. The director answered all of them with ease as she had also taught for the state for many years prior to her current position. We felt comfortable that Kayelle would be in good hands: physically and academically.

        Fast forward to a few months after starting Corporate Kids. I picked Kayelle

up from school and took her home. She mentioned that her lip was hurting. I asked her why and looked at it to see a swollen and bloodied lip. I asked her what happened. She told me she bumped into one of her classmates. I asked her did she cry when it happened and she said yes. From the extent of the injury, I knew she had to but I asked more so for my follow up question. What did your teacher do? Not that the teacher could do much, because when you have twelve two-year-olds running around someone is bound to be injured, but I wanted to know was the teacher aware that Kayelle hurt herself and if so why wasn't there an accident report? Kayelle's response let me know indeed the teacher was aware. The next day I mentioned it to the teacher and she explained further what happened because she witnessed it and said she would leave an incident report in Kayelle's folder.

          A few weeks after the busted lip I arrived to pick Kayelle up. In the lobby Kayelle was sitting with a small group of other children: the last to be picked up for the day. Usually she was overly excited to see me. Every day she would run to me smiling and squealing, "Mommie". She also routinely gave everyone a gleeful "goodnight" as she left. On this day she did not do that. She had a sullen demeanor as she walked over to me. I asked what was wrong, but she didn't respond as she walked past me to the exit. As I was putting her in her car seat I asked her how was her day and she responded "Not good". When I asked what happened she stated "___________ bit me." From the driver's seat Keith said take her back inside and find out what happened. When I went back into the center I was met by the director who informed she was aware of the incident, the child who bit Kayelle was addressed, and she was checked to make sure there was no broken skin. The teacher of the classroom left before she filled out an incident report, but she would make sure I have it when I dropped Kayelle off in the morning. 

          The next morning when I dropped Kayelle off the director had the incident report for me. I expressed to her that I wasn't upset that she was hurt because I know some things are unavoidable, but my concern was it was now the second incident in a matter of weeks where Kayelle was injured and I wasn't told until after I took her home and the information came from her instead of the teachers who were aware that an incident took place. The director apologized and said going forward she would make sure that it didn't happen again. Hindsight is 20/20 because Keith and I recently learned, through the state of Delaware child care website, that Corporate Kids had been found out of compliance in multiple cases regarding reporting incidents of injury including the dislocation of a child's arm by one of their staff members. It gives me the impression that it was common practice Corporate Kids attempted to take advantage of less attentive parenting.

      Because my mom and Keith were both teachers and I understand the dynamics of working with children I always wanted to make sure that Corporate Kids understood that our relationship should be considered a partnership. I don't view child care as simply babysitting. For several hours a day parents leave their children in the care of others who they hope will provide tools needed in order for them to develop successfully. Keith and I are not parents who scrutinize every little misstep. We know child care providers are human and even as parents have made our on errors. Nevertheless, the circumstances which occurred in the last few months of Kayelle's attendance is what troubles me when people take on the responsibility to care for children. 

           Over the past 2 years Kayelle has had multiple teachers at Corporate Kids as she transitioned from one level to the next. Just around the Christmas holiday Kayelle was in Mrs. Kristie's class. They developed a great rapport. Mrs. Kristie even attended Kayelle's first dance recital. Kayelle always greeted her with a hug and on many occasions said she loved her. There was a decision made to divide Mrs. Kristie's class and Kayelle was put into Ms. Beth's class. Unlike previous transitions, we were not notified Kayelle was placed into a new class until she started talking about the "mean teacher'. 

        When Kayelle first began mentioning the mean teacher I didn't give it much attention. Children like you today and don't like you tomorrow and most often it's around something as simple you didn't let them have an extra piece of candy. About the third time Kayelle mentioned the mean teacher I asked her what was the mean teacher's name. She didn't know. I found it odd because Kayelle knew all of the teacher's names and by this time she had been in the class for about a month. I had not met her as yet because when I dropped Kayelle off in the morning she had not arrived yet and when I picked Kayelle up in the evening she had already gone. Kayelle had also never referred to someone as the mean teacher before so I asked her why was the teacher mean. She would usually say something like she made me stand on the wall or something similar because Kayelle was not following directions, but it was nothing different from what other teachers did. She had sat on the wall before and understood why. Again she never said mean teacher. 

          I started to become concerned when Kayelle began exhibiting emotions regarding her interactions with Ms Beth. She would say things like "The mean teacher doesn't like me", "The mean teacher told me I can't be her helper and she let's everyone else be her helper except me", "The mean teacher is mean to me". Although I was concerned I did try to get Kayelle to believe that Ms. Beth liked her and that she needed to follow directions because most of the time when I asked Kayelle what the circumstances around what she was saying it was usually because she was asked to do something and she had rather do something else. 

          One day I went to pick Kayelle up and I finally got to meet Ms. Beth. She told me that Kayelle had trouble listening that day and had to be put on the wall. I explained to Kayelle in front of her that she needed to follow directions and when Ms. Beth asked her to do something she do it. When we walked to get Kayelle's coat and was a distance away from Ms. Beth, Kayelle did something unusual. She had a serious look on her face and she whispered, "Mommie I don't like that teacher." Kayelle is very outspoken. She speaks what is on her mind. She is not shy in the least bit. So, when she did this it gave me the impression that she was afraid. 

           I asked her did she was to tell the director and she said yes. I asked would that make her feel better. She said yes. We immediately went to the director and I told her Kayelle had something she wanted to tell her. I wanted it to come directly from Kayelle because she is well capable of expressing her thoughts. I did not want it to be interpreted as "Kayelle's mother said...". Kayelle began to tell the director how she didn't like the mean teacher. No one likes the mean teacher. Everyone is afraid of her and they want her to be removed from the class. I was hearing all of this for the first time. The director said "I know which teacher she's talking about and we are going to have someone in the class with her. I'm going to be in the class with her this week also." It gave me the impression that I wasn't the first parent to complain and they realized there might be an issue. 

          For about a month or so after, Kayelle went from looking forward to going to school to not even wanting to walk in the classroom. She would have full meltdowns. She would ask me to come sit by her and not leave. Then when I had to leave one of the teachers would have to hold her and console her as she screamed "Mommie": all behavior she had never exhibited since she started attending day care at 9 months old. One day one of the teacher realizing it was completely out of character said to Kayelle said "I know you don't want to stay, but we're going to find out why. I promise." This happened every day for at least a month. 

          Keith went to pick Kayelle up one day and the children were out in the playground. Ms. Beth was unaware that he had just stepped outside. Keith observed  Ms. Beth sitting on the bench more than fifteen feet away yelling Kayelle's name. Kayelle was on the other side of the playground running with friends. When Kayelle didn't answer Ms. Beth she yelled louder. Kayelle walked over to her and Ms. Beth made a face of annoyance. Keith walked over and began talking with Ms. Beth and said he understood Kayelle had been having some difficulties in the class. He asked what he could do to assist Ms. Beth. He then called her attention to her body language when speaking to Kayelle. At first she tried to deny it, but Keith insisted he was there to help, and pointed out that in addition to the face she made when Kayelle walked over she should have moved closer to where the children were if Kayelle didn't hear her, but instead she stayed where she was and just yelled louder. When Keith saw the director as he was leaving he told her he saw what the problem was. 

         On a day Keith dropped Kayelle off in the morning he came into the classroom to find Ms. Beth at her desk with her back to the room and looking at her cell phone. There were about five other children in the class. Ms. Beth looked up for a moment and went back to looking at her phone. As a former teacher Keith realized there were all types of reasons why this was wrong. As a parent my first instinct was if she has he back to the class engaged in her cell phone what if one of the students walked out. As he was leaving Keith complained to the owner of the facility about what he observed. 

           All along we started making sure Kayelle no long referred to Ms. Beth as the mean teacher and used her name. I also made sure to ask questions like Was Ms. Beth nice today? For a while Kayelle would say no. Then it progressed to "She was good and bad. After a few weeks it became "She was better today". Kayelle was still having episodes of not wanting me to leave her. So, I started to do things make her feel better like stopping at the infant room so we can count the babies before I left. She absolutely loves babies. Each morning, there were a different amount of babies. So, she'd count to see how many arrived so far. She talked to them and on some occasions played with their fingers and toes. Then she would be ready to go to her classroom. 

        In April, I noticed Keith and I began to receive an increase in calls regarding Kayelle's behavior. Not listening. Not following directions. Mostly disturbances during nap time. Because I worked right across the road I told the director and Ms. Beth that I would pop in from time to time during nap time to make sure Kayelle understood that it wasn't an option. One time I did and Kayelle immediately fell in line and was asleep in less than ten minutes. On May 8th, I received a call from the director. She said Kayelle was brought to the office because she wasn't acting like her normal self. She said she appeared lethargic and she wasn't participating in any of the activities. In the office she fell asleep almost immediately and when they woke her her skin was clammy. I left work and took her to urgent care. They tested her for a few different things: all negative. They concluded she might have a slight virus. I took her home where she fell asleep again for about an hour, woke up, ate, and then fell asleep again until the next day when I took her to school. 

         On May 10, Kayelle had a regular doctor's visit scheduled which I also wanted to follow up with what had taken place two days earlier. I picked her up from school early. When we arrived to the doctors office she asked me to look at her arm. There were three marks where the skin had been broken and red welts. I asked her what happened. She said Ms. Beth grabbed her and put her on the bench. Giving the benefit of the doubt to Ms. Beth, I asked Kayelle was she running. She said no. She told me she was sitting on the bench next to Ms. Beth and she stood up to hug her classmate when Ms. Beth grabber her arm and sat her down. I asked her what did she do after. She said she started crying. I asked her did she cry because she couldn't play with her friend or did she cry because her arm was hurt? She said she cried because her arm was hurt. I asked her did she tell Ms. Beth she hurt her arm she said no. When Keith asked why didn't she go tell the director Kayelle said she didn't want Ms. Beth to think she was trying to get up again. 

         Keith and I went to Corporate Kids that afternoon after the doctor's appointment and met with the director. We showed her Kayelle's arm and Keith explained to her that he was an investigator for the state and he would report what happened. The director said she would also, and she did. Ms. Beth's employment was terminated that day. The next morning the owner asked me into her office and apologized. She said they wanted to make sure Kayelle felt safe and Ms. Beth was no longer at the facility. I thanked her, but as I mentioned to Keith I thought it was odd that Ms. Beth was terminated while an investigation would still be pending with the state unless there were previous occurrences. I worked in two health care facilities, including one in Delaware, and normally when there was an allegation of abuse an employee was put on unpaid leave while the investigation was pending and then, if substantiated, the employee was terminated. 

          Friday May 11, I received a call before 9am. Kayelle was in the office because she was not listening. By 10am I received a call that someone needed to come get her because she wouldn't come from under the desk. She wouldn't come to the phone to talk with me. She knocked papers off the desks in the office. I called my friend who moved to Delaware last year. She worked from home and she was my only option other than leaving work and getting Kayelle myself. 

           I met with the owner a few days late because, by this point I was receiving calls every day from Corporate Kids regarding what I thought were simple things that should be able to be handled by qualified teachers. The teacher who replaced Ms. Beth was one who had previously worked there. The two days I spoke with her after she returned she said Kayelle had a little difficulty listening. She didn't make it seem like it wasn't anything she could handle. So, I wondered why was I receiving phone calls from the director. I feared that Kayelle was becoming a pariah because she happened to have a parents who could make things very difficult for an already faltering child care center. The director insisted that wasn't the case, but the calls continued. We eventually asked that Kayelle be removed from the class she was in, and placed back with Mrs. Kristie because of the relationship they had. 

           We had two days without any calls. Kayelle's behavior was much better and then someone at Corporate Kids decided it would be a good idea to take Kayelle out of Mrs. Kristie's class for part of the day and put her in another class. I liked the teacher, Ms. Jasmine, in the other class because she gave Kayelle tough love without being mean. She mentioned to me previously that on a day Kayelle had to be in her class because they did not have enough teachers, Kayelle helped her teach shapes, letters, and colors to her younger students. After the two days in Mrs. Kristie's class and part of a day in her class, Ms Jasmine told me she thought Kayelle would do well in her class and if I would consider it. I told her I appreciated her feedback, but I didn't want to keep switching her from class to class. I wanted to her to have some stability. 

            The phone calls started again. Kayelle's behavior escalated and on May 29 there was a full out violent episode of kicking, punching, biting, spitting and even cursing. We don't use profanity at home and had addressed this previously with her teachers and the director that this had to be picked up at Corporate Kids. When one of the teachers insinuated that Kayelle may have picked up the language from television I explained Kayelle had her own channel set to age appropriate programs. All of the staff including the director and owner admitted multiple times that Kayelle had never exhibited this type of behavior before and they weren't sure why it was happening. On the other hand Keith and I along with other professionals, including her pediatrician, were certain why this sudden behavior. Corporate Kids couldn't outright admit that whatever Kayelle experienced in Ms. Beth's class, climaxed with the scratching, was the reason for her recent behavior. That would make them liable. Especially if there were other complaints about Ms. Beth that went unchecked. 

          When Keith went to pick Kayelle up on her last day he was told by the owner that Kayelle would not be welcomed back because of her aggressive behavior. The aggressive behavior which was directed only towards the teachers and not any of the other students. Less than three weeks after being grabbed and injured by one of her teachers she was expelled. Keith worked two day from home, I took off one day and all the while trying to find a new day care for Kayelle. I probably called over 30 churches, summer programs, and day cares in Delaware: none currently accepting new students now. We were now faced with the possibility that one of us would need to stop working: both of us on new employee probation with our perspective agencies. 

             Keith and I both said we didn't care if we had to quit our jobs before putting Kayelle in another situation where she would be hurt.